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The following is meant to be a history, however brief, of Lautoka Hash, from its inception to its magnificent state today. Note that the real history has been omitted & the recent history bastardised to suit the perfectly accurate recall of Eat Me!!! If this is the history, I am at a fucking loss as to why the hell we call this thing a reunion. However, one must give him some credit, despite the belief of many, he has an imagination. How else could you think that this constitutes a history!!!!!
29th March 1976 - Hash House Harriers started in Lautoka on a warm Monday evening at 5:30pm with a pack of 12 running from Valima Hill.
Father was Grant Scott also known as Snotty.
Mother – Unknown.
The Hash was reared in good health both physically and financially until after it’s 21st birthday, Hash hemorrhaged and became impotent on 09th March 1998.
09th March 1998 – 01st October 2000 Lautoka Hash was in hibernation.
02nd October 2000 – Another warm Monday evening Lautoka Hash was given mouth to mouth resuscitation and nurtured back to health with the help of “Eat Me” and “Xena” and “A’Sole” and “Anal Creek” and several slabs of the special amber liquid so proficiently bottled and dispensed by Carlton Brewery, much loved by all sane thinking Lautoka Hash men and women.
From that humble beginning and since receiving the Hash paraphernalia from Puss Butt, we are still trying to piss together the actual number of runs per runner, etc., etc., which is bloody hard, considering Puss Butt had these recorded on Fiji Beer carton lids, business cards, condom packets, and any old scraps of paper, etc. And there are still heaps of sorting and filing to be done, anyone with a half a brain and some time on their hands and knees are more than welcome to take over and sort out before our BIG RUN in October 2004.
LH4 has had its ups and downs and currently is very strong with 11 regular runners, 15 not so regular and 16 severely constipated, I tried to verify this with Hash Cash but unfortunately he was not available for comment.
Calculations :
Started 29th March 1976 to 09th March 1998 = 1180 Runs (last recorded plus 1 run)
Dormant from 09th March 1998 to 01st October 2000.
02nd October 2000 to 10 May 2004 = 188 Runs.
Therefore total number of Runs to date = 1368 as at 10th May 2004.
Come 11th OCTOBER 2004 = 1400 RUNS.
I will not entertain any bloody arguments from any of you that want to debate the authenticity of the above records, and that goes for you too, “Eatonheaps.”
On Ooooon.
“Eat Me”
LH4 - Religious Advisor.
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